Earlier this year I found an old Charles Stanley devotional series in my bedside table that had been hidden away under pens, Chapstick, books, and junk that I had received in the mail in 2020. I forgot it was there. The smiling people on the cover and the title, “Freedom”, caught my eye.
I eagerly awoke the next morning, made my iced coffee, grabbed all my quiet time essentials, and settled onto my couch in the early morning before the chaos of my two-year-old erupted the silence. I prayed that God would make clear what He wanted to show me in the coming months through the study, and began reading. Right off the bat themes began to jump off the page that had been plaguing my mind for the past year.
“Who am I?”
“Who has God created me to be?”
“Who does God want me to become?”
“Who does He say I am?”
It has been a little over a year since I left my job and downsized my busy life. I find myself asking questions centered around these themes constantly. When a job title, awards, recognition, promotions, raises, and something tangible and seen is how I’ve always measured the success and adequacy of my life, how do I move forward accepting anything different?
Where does my worth come from now?
What am I going to do with the rest of my life,
or even just next?
Who am I now, and who am I becoming?
The questions and looming uncertainty of my adequacy and identity plague me daily. The most important role I have now is as a wife and a mom. I take care of my house, the cooking, the cleaning, the grocery shopping, the pets, my child, my husband, and myself. I do the things I feel like I am supposed to, but also want to do. Taking care of my family fills me with so much joy, but can also leave me so tired and wondering if I will ever find complete fulfillment. I work hard each day so that our house is clean and organized, no one is in need, and everyone will feel safe, full, and incredibly loved every single day. But to me, this isn’t a job. I don’t earn a paycheck. If I am honest with myself, sometimes it doesn’t feel enough. I wonder:
What am I called to do?
Who am I called to be?
Where will I find my identity now?
In my devotional Charles says, “The person who finds his or her identity in Jesus Christ has freedom and peace”. Well Charles, most days I struggle to hang on to that peace. We live in a culture where our worth, title, sexuality, and identity, always need a name. Something tangible people can see about us or that we can put on our name tag. We focus so much on the status of our social media profiles, the experience and accolades on our LinkedIn page, the job titles on our business cards, our pronouns, our names, and what we identify as that we place all of that into defining exactly who we are. Who WE want ourselves to be. How ignorant to think that we have so much choice over our identities in our lives and because we chose it, we would find satisfaction in the finished product? Isn’t that freedom and happiness? The right to choose every aspect or identity in our lives?
“Be you. Do you. For you.” - the world
The Bible talks about how freedom, true freedom, is in the limitations that God places on our lives to protect us, mold our identities, and submit completely to Him and His will. It isn’t really about us at all. Sounds like the opposite of what society tells us being “free” is.
That is because it is.
Galatians 5 speaks of true freedom and identity in Jesus Christ:
“You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather serve one another in love.”(v13)
Serving others is the opposite of for you.
“The acts of sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.”(v19-21)
Avoiding sinful desires and living the way Christ calls you to is the opposite of do you.
“Those who belong in Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit."(v25)
Following Jesus and obeying His commands is the opposite of
be you.
To be a follower of Jesus, I have to be the furthest thing from myself as possible. I can’t use my freedom to do what I want in my life and coincidingly be spiritually free. Before I had a personal relationship with Jesus, I worshipped me. I called myself a Christian, but I did me. I wanted to do what I wanted, when I wanted, the way I wanted to, without Jesus and his rules or opinions or His truth. I wanted to do what made me feel good; what made me feel happy and fulfilled. I wanted to please myself and the people around me. It was all about me. I was searching for my identity in myself and my own abilities. My arrogance and pride pushed me further from God.
“God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you.” James 4.7-8
I have realized that I can’t live a life in worldly freedom, which is acting in blatant disobedience of God’s word, and still place my identity in Jesus Christ. I am a child of God. I have been set apart to be “not of the world”. To do not as the world does. To not conform. To actually NOT BE ME.
I have to make an effort, DAILY, to check myself and my mindset. I ask myself, “Is this for God or is this for me? Am I reading and obeying his word to become the furthest things from myself?” and “Am I finding myself more in Him than I am in the world?”.
I long to worship Him with my body, actions, and talents.
“My body is a temple of the Holy Spirit; I belong to Him.”
1 Corinthians 6.19
I have died to myself, refuse conformity to the world, and am in search of God’s purpose for my life.
“I am born again—spiritually transformed, renewed and set apart for God’s purpose—through the living and everlasting word of God.”
1 Peter 1.23
I will never go back to the way I want to do things again.
I asked Jesus into my heart and was baptized around the age of five or six years old. I don’t remember much from the occasion, but the date I DO remember is October 20, 2019. It’s the date I was baptized for the second time. It’s not that I thought that the first time didn’t stick. (I joke that it couldn't hurt, right?) But why I really did it was because I had been living a lie for so long I didn't even know when it began. I called myself a Christian. I did things that Christians do, but I
found my identity in so many other things instead of it solely being in Christ.I found it in my talent, abilities, and the praise of others. I listened to the voices of the people around me to lead my life instead of the voice of God. I looked for advice and guidance from others instead of in the scriptures and in prayer. I knew God, but I didn't feel like I really knew God. Then one day it hit me; I could be free. I could be free from the opinions of others. I could be free from shame. I could be free from seeking the world and its approval. I could start living in a way where I didn't have to just identify as a Christian on the outside, but could really start living as one on the inside. Apart from the world with God as my focus.
"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light." 1 Peter 2.9-10
He called me out of the darkness of myself, and into the light of Him. I find my identity as a child of the King.
"Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God." John 1.12
Discovering who I am becoming isn't an easy road. I fight with my mind every day to remind myself of who God says I am, and where my identity is found. (I need to seriously get off Instagram and Pinterest..)The woman he is creating me to be is imperfect and unfinished. But I know that the more I continue to search for who I am in Jesus Christ, the more I am free to find me.
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