He will take care of us.

Life is filled with so much that is unexpected. I wouldn't say I am one to handle uncertainty and surprises well to say the least. I keep kids calm for a living, but I wouldn't say that is something I am particularly good at myself. I get scared and panic when I am not in control. These past few months, my ability to stay calm and trust in the Lord has definitely been tested. We have had good news, bad news, and everything in between. Most which was out of our hands. In these moments, I have had to learn to let go and let God. To trust him to take care of us in our needs, whatever that means. Moments like this are how our precious baby Micah James Dailey came into the world.

We found out we were expecting on a rainy October morning while we were on our bucket list vacation to Scotland, Fall of 2021. After being sick multiple days in a row all over the highlands of Scotland, I had a feeling we were on our way to parenthood. When that little test came back “Pregnant” we were over the moon to say the least. We always wanted to be parents and were so excited to watch our little family grow. When we went for the first ultrasound and I heard that little heartbeat for the first time, I had tears of joy. Being a mom is something I’ve always wanted, but never knew when it may be. How do you know when the time is right? Do we have enough money saved up? Will the baby get along with our house full of fluff and chaos? Anxiety welled up in me as we waited to progress and for each appointment to make sure our angel was doing okay.

At 30 weeks on a Thursday, I went for a routine checkup. I drove myself expecting it to be just another doctor’s appointment. The doctor noticed that I had slightly elevated blood pressure and was swollen. As a precaution, I was given steroid shots for the baby’s lung development, and was sent home with meds and orders to “Netflix and chill” for the next week. My doctor was so calm that I didn’t think much about it and was looking forward to a little rest in the upcoming week.

Three days later on Easter morning, I was admitted to the hospital for elevated blood pressure levels that they couldn’t seem to lower with IVs and meds in the ER. We prayed for comfort, peace, and health for our little baby boy and myself. He was being monitored and was happy and healthy, with no awareness in my tummy of the chaos going on inside my body. After reviewing my bloodwork the next morning, the doctor came in telling us that we couldn’t be discharged due to my blood pressure not lowering enough with IVs and meds to send me home. I had to be monitored closely for the next 3 weeks, and we made peace with “living” at the hospital until at least 34 weeks so our baby could be fully developed and safely be born. But by the next day, the doctor once again reviewed my blood work and made the executive decision that today, at 31 weeks, I would be having an emergency C-section in four hours time. I was getting sicker and it was putting stress on the baby, and the longer we waited the more uncertain our positive outcomes may be. The doctor said that he wouldn’t be the sickest or the smallest baby she had delivered, but that hardly brought any comfort to me. I had doctors the day before warn me that babies born this early could have developmental delays and have the possibility of brain bleeds or damage. How was I supposed to take this news?

We were flooded with fear and anxiety. He had 9 more weeks to go! What would he look like? What disabilities or delays might he have? Will he be sick? When will he go home? We didn’t have a nursery ready or a name chosen. We didn’t have those beautiful maternity photos that couples have closer to their baby’s due date. I hadn’t had all my baby showers, and we for sure didn’t have all our supplies. It was the scariest day of my life and I didn’t have time to process it. We immediately prayed. We gave our baby to God for it was he who gave us this blessing in the first place. Philippians 4.6-7 says, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” We asked and knew that God was going to take care of us.

At 12:29pm on April 19, 2022, Micah James Dailey came into the world. He was 2 pounds 15 ounces, and 16.5 inches long. He was here at 31 weeks! Michael took a picture of Micah’s entire hand wrapped around his pointer finger in his NICU box just minutes after his birth. With all of the wires, oxygen, and monitors around Micah, I was so scared of what the weeks to come might look like. When I finally got to visit him in the NICU the day after he was born, to my surprise, he looked just like a baby! A very tiny baby, but a baby all the same! Because I received steroid shots days before he was born, his lungs only needed oxygen to make his lungs stronger, but not because they were underdeveloped. He didn’t need IVs, only the standard line in his belly button for nutrition and medicines. He was under a bili light and CPAP therapy for only a few days.. He was overall a healthy baby. The doctor said, “He had spunk!”. When she pulled him out he was grabbing at his umbilical cord and her tools. We knew we had a fighter on our hands! I had doubted God and his abilities in the midst of all the chaos, but he was sure about to show me who He was and what He could do through Micah.

I went home after almost a week in the hospital, but our precious Micah stayed. It was hard in the weeks following with him not being home. We were parents, but I didn’t feel like a mom at all. My baby was being taken care of by someone else 24 hours a day. There were three levels to the NICU, and we did not know how far away we were from the top. There were plenty of tears and uncertainty in the waiting. We were constantly asked by people when he would get to come home, but we were uncertain ourselves. The requirements were for him to weigh at least 4 pounds, be off his oxygen, maintain his body temperature on his own, and be able to breathe and eat simultaneously from a bottle 8 times a day. We had no idea how little or long it would take. We placed verses and notes on the outside of Micah’s NICU box to let him know he was so loved and not alone. I searched for God’s comfort in his word, because I was going crazy sitting at home. God revealed to me Joshua 1.9, “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” I put the verse on Micah’s box and wrote that God was with us in the journey for him to come home. During this time of waiting, I cried when I saw families get on the elevator with their newborns and smiles, and was angry when I saw a car seat in the NICU because I knew that meant that the baby was close to going home. On day 16, I read Psalm 27. 14: “Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.” I said, “Okay God. We will wait for you in your goodness and your timing.” I wrote to Micah that God was keeping him there and making him strong which was a good thing. He was taking care of us.

We kept expecting bad news to come, but with each passing day came new joys. Micah continuously reached milestones before he was “supposed to”, based on his gestational age, the entire time he was in the NICU. At week 32, 1 week old, he was off his bili light, off of CPAP, his line in his belly button was removed, and he weighed 3 pounds. Before week 33, a little over a week after being born, he was already off oxygen, wearing clothes, and being swaddled. They told us that wouldn’t happen before week 34. He gained almost an ounce or more each day. In less than two weeks, he was already moved to the final level of the NICU, where we waited for him to reach four pounds, move to a bassinet, hold his body temperature, and start bottle feeding. When he was done with a “stage”, he would try to pull out his feeding tube or oxygen cannula letting us know he was ready to move forward. He surprised us and the nurses every day. At 34 weeks, May 10, Micah started to bottle feed and had reached over 4 pounds. We knew we were getting close! On May 19, after 30 days in the NICU, we got the glorious news that he could finally come home. God took care of us.

The bible says to “Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken”. Psalm 55.22. Every day I had to cast my worries, fears, and sadness on the Lord. I was weak, but in Him I was made strong. We made it through. The uncertainty is the worst part of your baby being in the NICU. Each day you go in to visit with hope. Hoping your baby gained weight. Hoping that there aren’t any setbacks in their bottle feedings or health. Hoping the doctor will stop by to let you know when they can go home. You wait and hope. After 32 days in the NICU, our angel came home at 35 weeks weighing 4 pounds 12 ounces. We were lucky to say the least, when we heard story after story of parents waiting much longer to take their babies home because their babies were much sicker and much smaller than Micah. A sweet girl in our youth kept calling our baby an “angel baby” each time she said hello and goodbye to me long before we knew Micah would be early. That’s exactly what he is. Today is his due date. He weighs a hefty 6 pounds 1 ounce, and is a true gift from God. This experience has taught me that God’s goodness is always around even in the tough, uncertain times. He took care of us. I pray that when people see Micah they see the goodness of God and his power. His story could have had a very different ending, but God used Micah to strengthen our faith. Deuteronomy 31. 6 says, “Be strong! Be fearless! Don’t be afraid and don’t be scared by your enemies because the Lord your God is the one who marches with you. He won’t let you down and he won’t abandon you”. We understand this with a fervor, and are so grateful.

We are never abandoned and we are never alone.

God is good.

And he always takes care of us.

“Be thankful to Him, and bless His name.

For the Lord is good; His mercy is everlasting.”

Psalm 100:4-5